Hold my hand.

I asked him to hold my hand - sitting at home, sitting in church, driving down the road, walking along… but the answer was always no. This simple gesture would have been such a comfort to me so often - when I felt uncertain, when I was suffering physical pain, when I was grieving loss, when I just needed to know that he wanted me there. He held my hand while we were dating, and I had no idea everything would change once married. But it did. This simple expression of belonging was stolen from me.

Can we talk?

Adult conversation was stolen from me. My husband talked at me when he felt like telling me anything - from work stories to what I needed to change in our children, to how to vote, to how to do menial household tasks, to where to park or how to drive. He didn’t want to hear about my life, my day, my anything… and he definitely wasn’t interested in my opinion on any subject. There was never any give and take, any discussions because anything other than 100% agreement to whatever he said was considered criticism or accusations. I spent many years at home with children day in and day out, my ministry within the church was with children, and I longed for adult conversation, but he couldn’t be bothered. He stole that from me.

The Joy of Shopping for Loved Ones

I realize that this section of the site may seem a little strange to some of you, but the fact is that the behavior of a narcissist daily affects every area of life. What should be normal or at least a consideration of one another simply isn’t. One of the things that I loved from childhood is shopping for those I love - especially for birthdays and Christmas. When I was a child, my father would take me out to pick just the right gift for my mom and siblings, and he would do the same with each of them! My mom would take me out to purchase just the right gift for my friends. As a young adult, my mom, and sister, and I would make a day of shopping and preparing for Christmas soon after Thanksgiving. These days always included special meals and sweet treats as part of the occasion. My narcissist husband couldn’t be bothered to even talk about doing something like this, and if we did shop together, it would be a last-minute rush with me chasing him through the stores of his choice and never having the option to choose the gifts. I hoped each year that things would change, and I was disappointed each year when what could have been yet another special time together was stolen from me.