Can You Spot A True Narcissist on the Road? Throughout our site, we endeavor to shed some light on the realities of living with this type of individual, and in the process, we hope to put some misconceptions to rest. Some of what we discuss may be seen in smaller doses in the lives of those who are not living the true narcissist’s lifestyle - but it is the leaning in to the negative traits, it’s leaning in to the selfishness, it’s leaning in to the controlling tendencies, leaning in to the pride, leaning in to the impatience, leaning in to the anger, leaning in to the mocking… You get the picture. Again, I believe that Narcissism is a word used to describe individuals who choose this behavior and who refuse to acknowledge that they are wrong when they do so. At the heart of the treatment of others is the sin of self-focus. You can see it clearly when you stop and consider the overall picture. While many individuals who are not living as narcissists sometimes respond with what we call road rage, we cannot say that because you do so on occasion, that you are a narcissist. However, if you are a narcissist, there are some pretty common characteristics of your driving. So, let’s take some time and look at what a narcissist driving a vehicle looks like.

The first thing that I’ll say is that I don’t want to be driving and have my narcissist as a passenger. When you combine control issues, with impatience, with selfishness, and the arrogance that considers everyone who thinks differently as “stupid” - you have the perfect scenario for constant correction, name-calling, yelling, and mocking. Most often, they don’t let you drive them anywhere or drive their vehicle (you might damage it), but when, for whatever reason, you are in the driver’s seat, you cannot wait to get out of it. By the time our marriage ended, I was sure there was not a worse driver on the planet than I - there was no one who parked worse than I - there was no one with less common sense than I.

Impulsive, erratic, and impatient… Looks very reckless when driving!

Remember that he believes the whole world revolves around him, so he expects the world to behave in a way that is acceptable to him. He has idolized standards that include no mistakes by others. Most of us realize that we have to respect other drivers when on the road, and we have to understand that mistakes will be made. This is what it takes to be a functional person. However, his moral compass has been developed to serve one person: himself.

This looks like:

Honking the horn when someone displeases him. Shouting at other drivers and calling them idiots. Cutting people off without caring how it impacts anyone else. He is determined to show everyone that he is the more experienced or talented driver. He changes lanes when it suits him just to be noticed, regardless of how it affects the drivers around him, and he will go into road rage if anyone dares to drive in what he considers the wrong lane. His time is of the utmost value, and he cannot seem to understand that others have schedules as well. If someone passes him on the road, he may even consider the other driver a threat - a jerk, needing to be put in his place and shown who is the best. So, he will speed up and make it a contest. His aggression may be passive or it may be overt, and it can be triggered by a small happening; an elderly person being too slow, you reaching to change the radio station, or asking that it be changed. He can’t accept that you have a different opinion or desire. His response will be to be even more aggressive to put you in your place.

As a passenger, you are often terrified to be riding along, often embarrassed by the immature rage. You struggle to not react openly - don’t hold on, don’t grab the dash, don’t grab the door handle, because that implies that you don’t trust that he is in control! At the very least, you are shocked that your spouse is acting this way toward you and others, and yes, it is difficult to live with.

If you have children, they learn very quickly that when he is driving, there is to be no singing, no loud interaction, no laughter. There may as well be a “Do not disturb” sign on the back of his head. However, if he has chosen to listen to blaring music or a news station, he will turn it up so loudly that there is no room for any communication in the vehicle anyway.

Don’t you dare try to discuss anything, whether it’s his driving or your relationship, or the children. He will slam on the brakes and tell you to get out of the car right there. When he is driving, he has the control to allow or disallow you to speak.

A narc picks and chooses where he rages very carefully. (Again, an indicator that this is not a mental disorder, but a choice.) The car is one of his favorite places to do that. You, his victim, are the only witness!

The narcissist finds great satisfaction in his ability to drive what he considers an automobile that demands attention. One of the first things that my narc purchased upon leaving me was a sports car that cost him close to $100,000, while whining that he had no money. This alone of course, does not define a narc - it’s just one of the symptoms - always looking to purchase the next impressive thing to fill a void.

Yes - if he is angry with you, he will drive dangerously with the intent of scaring you - to teach you a lesson.