Have you ever been on the receiving end of a narcissist's silent treatment? It's a common tactic used by narcissists, and it is a form of emotional abuse. Personally, I have to say that this is one of the most difficult parts of my marriage, one of the most painful things that I endured - and I endured it often. Sometimes for days, sometimes for weeks, and yes, at times, even for months!

The silent treatment may look harmless from the outside, but anyone who has endured it knows just how brutal it feels. Narcissists use silence not as peace, but as punishment. They deliberately withdraw their voice, affection, and attention, creating a cold void that leaves you desperate for answers. For me, most of the time, I wasn’t aware of what I had done to ‘earn’ i,t but at other times, I knew and just didn’t understand! It could be as simple as speaking when he wanted silence, putting onions in the meatloaf, or speaking up on behalf of a child. On one occasion, I went 6 months without a word from my husband, not a moment of support for the big event that was upcoming… nothing but silence. This was when I expressed my joy and support for my son and bride-to-be when my husband didn’t think they should be getting married! His silence continued right up through the wedding, the reception (where I danced alone,) and into the next day when he finally decided to speak again.

This silence is not about space or reflection — it’s about control. When a narcissist gives you the silent treatment, they want you to suffer in the uncertainty. They want you to question what you did wrong, replay every conversation in your head, and scramble to “fix” whatever invisible crime they’ve accused you of committing. It forces you into a position where you chase them, begging for communication, validation, or forgiveness.

In their mind, silence equals power. And make no mistake — this is abuse. It’s designed to break you down, to make you feel small, insignificant, and powerless. Over time, repeated silent treatments condition you to fear disconnection. You start walking on eggshells, trying to avoid anything that might trigger another round of emotional exile. That’s how they tighten their grip without ever raising their voice. A healthy person may need quiet time to process emotions, but the difference is intent.

Silence in a healthy relationship is temporary and followed by resolution. Silence from a narcissist is indefinite, manipulative, and often ends only when you give in and restore their sense of control.

If you’ve been subjected to the silent treatment, understand this: it was never about your worth. It was never about your mistakes. It was a weapon used to dominate and destabilize you. The greatest counter to their silence is refusing to play the game — recognizing it for what it is, and protecting your peace instead of chasing theirs.