Grandiose Narcissism:

This is the most commonly recognized type, characterized by a strong sense of self-importance, entitlement, and a need for admiration. Grandiose narcissists often exhibit arrogance, boastfulness, and a belief that they are special or unique. 

Understandably, this is what most people think of when they think of narcissism. Men who are boastful may appear loud and arrogant, in charge and even successful, and are sometimes mistakenly labeled as narcissists. It’s so important to recognize that there is so much more to this personality and lifestyle than just these easily observed traits.

Vulnerable Narcissism:

Also known as covert narcissism, this type involves a more hidden or fragile sense of self-importance. Vulnerable narcissists may be more sensitive to criticism, experience feelings of shame or inadequacy, and may engage in passive-aggressive behaviors.  In my personal experience, my narcissist displays many of these traits depending on his mood, the audience, or the desired outcome. If I’m the only one present, he is very much grandiose. Since he discarded me; I’ve seen the covert/vulnerable narcissistic traits exhibited before our children and others more often than not. In these situations, it feels like I’m the only one who sees through the manipulation and passive-aggressive actions. When the narcissist has removed himself from those who have experienced the abuse of his treatment, he can come and go when it’s convenient for him, can shower those he wishes to impress with gifts at his convenience, and can be present only when he feels like it. it is easy for others to determine that he isn’t really choosing to hurt - he simply has social anxiety. At this point, he garners sympathy from those who aren’t the direct target of his abuse any longer.

Malignant Narcissism:

This is considered by some to be the most severe form, combining narcissistic traits with other harmful behaviors like psychopathy. Malignant narcissists are often manipulative, exploitative, and lack empathy.  The meaning of the word, MALIGNANT, is tending to produce death or deterioration; especially: tending to infiltrate, metastasize, and terminate fatally. A malignant narcissist intentionally says and does things that he knows will cause harm to his “target.” I haven’t decided yet if he always knows how hurtful his actions are (if he sits and plans the ‘attack’ or if he is somehow justifying his words and behavior in his head and doesn’t realize that he is truly destroying someone that he has claimed to love. As you read my story, you’ll see malignant behaviors - behaviors that have no other purpose than to destroy.

Communal Narcissism:

This type focuses on using altruistic or helpful behaviors for self-serving reasons. Communal narcissists may engage in acts of kindness to gain admiration or validation.  For this type of narcissism, there is no such thing as doing good anonymously or giving money anonymously. If no one knows, then the purpose of the helpful acts is voided. Even the original act of anonymously giving to me and my children was obviously going to be revealed. Sadly, this type of narcissist will give openly and largely to others while telling his family that funds are tight and their desires must go unmet. This is another trait that the supply of a narcissist must sit by and watch silently, both during the relationship and after the discard.

Neglectful Narcissism:

This type involves using others for their own benefit and showing a lack of concern for their well-being. Neglectful narcissists are often opportunistic and may exploit others for personal gain.  This type is difficult to live with but it is also one of the most gut-wrenching for me to watch. During our marriage and even now after the discard, I can see my narcissist use our children for his own benefit - some won’t hear from him for weeks or months, and then when he needs work done, he needs a tool or equipment, he doesn’t hesitate to contact them! Another way this is lived out is when he brags or takes pride in our children; when they are doing something that makes him look good, he boldly proclaims them as his sons and daughters but he has taken little interest in who they really are and what their needs are over the years.

Benign Narcissism:

This type is characterized by narcissistic traits that are less intense or harmful than other types. Benign narcissists may be more naive or less aware of their manipulative tendencies.  You know, we are all sinful by nature, and many men and women alike may inadvertently manipulate others and situations for their own benefit. Experts call this benign because while the traits found in the various types of narcissism may be present, they are less intense, aren’t purposeful, and these personalities are more likely to see the error of their ways and seek forgiveness and help.

Entitled Narcissism:

This type involves a strong belief that one deserves special treatment and favors, even when it's not deserved. Entitled narcissists may have a sense of privilege and disregard for the needs of others.  Yes, sadly, my narcissist seems to believe that everything belongs to him, even gifts given can be reclaimed at will. He has removed a dirt bike that had been a gift to one of our sons from our home. When I asked him if he thought that was the right thing to do, he answered with, “I will do what I want! I want to ride it!” He then took it and sold it. He told the other of our children that the bike was never our son’s - that it was his all along. This wasn’t the first time he took something very large from a child and used it for his own purposes. One of our sons had been “given” a car when he was in high school, worked on it as a project and drove it as his until my narcissist decided that he needed the money from the car, took it, and sold it. Since the discard, he has walked into my home, taken something as small as spices from my spice cabinet while announcing that he was cooking for someone (his woman friend) and needed a spice, and as large as items from the garage: whatever he decided he needed at the time. He has tried to sneak onto the property and used a portion of the property to “dump” things that he had cleaned up from the house where he was living. It never crosses his mind to ask, to consider what doesn’t belong to him, or to be concerned with how his behavior affects others. Each time he is asked about what he is doing, he answers, “I’ll do what I want!”

Antagonistic Narcissism:

This type is characterized by a tendency to be confrontational, argumentative, and aggressive, often with a lack of trust in others.  For my narcissist, this has caused issues in work situations, political endeavors, or on Little League boards. Here, I mention the public places where conflict seemed constant. At home, the conflict is also constant - finding fault, correcting everyone over words said or how to do menial tasks, belittling, mocking, questioning everyone at every turn. It creates a constant warzone that is difficult to function in. But trust me - when added with the other “types” of narcissism, circumstances are easily manipulated to point accusing fingers at the supply when the tension, chaos, or outright arguing is noticed. While walking through my healing process, I’ve realized that there isn’t another human being in my life that I argue with, have conflict with, or feel intense tension around. My relationships are sound, are precious, and while not perfect, in every other situation, there is communication, understanding, forgiveness, and genuine care between us. Yet, my narcissist always accused me of causing his anger, causing the tension, causing the arguments, and conflict.

While these types and subtypes can be helpful in understanding different manifestations of narcissism, they are not rigid categories. Some individuals may exhibit traits from multiple types, and the specific characteristics of narcissism can vary greatly from person to person. 

It is important to understand that narcissism exists on a spectrum. Individuals may exhibit traits from different types or subtypes. Some may have a mix of grandiose and vulnerable. Some may lean towards more benign behaviors, and some are extremely malignant. The specific presentation varies between individuals. As you may have recognized, mine exhibits traits from every single type - which is probably why, while in therapy, my counselors recognized almost immediately that being the main supply of my narcissist was what I was working to heal from.  I will reiterate here, for those who may have forgotten. The kind of love that God calls us to, the kind of love that I have for my husband/narcissist does not cease to exist because of these personality traits, behavior. This love also refuses to give up or stop praying for God to draw him to Himself and give him a new heart - a heart that finds his value in who God created him to be, a heart that is faithful and kind and caring and loves like Jesus, a heart that chooses change and healing. God is able.